Let me tell you why this LA Marathon thing is bullsh*t.
In case you didn't hear, the LA Marathon (which, like all marathons, is 26.2 miles) provided runners an option this year to dip out after 18 miles if they were too tired to continue. Granted, it's always an option to drop out of a marathon at any point in the race if you feel like you can no longer continue. The difference, though, is that the 2026 LA Marathonstill awarded finisher medals to 18-mile runners.
Now, I won't pretend that running 18 miles isn't hard. I have an 18.6-mile trail race coming up in less than three weeks, and I'm already worried I might die.
So I'm not here to begrudge anyone for running that distance. But it's not a marathon. And that's the whole point.
A couple of years ago, I ran the Whiskey Run Half Marathon in Nashville. There was a 5K option for this race as well. The appeal of this particular event — as you might have guessed — was the free whiskey tasting and party that was to happen after we all crossed the finish line.
The logistical problem, though, was that the 5K runners obviously finished much earlier than the half-marathon runners. So by the time we ran our 13.1 miles and made it to the after party, the 3.1-mile drunks had already taken every seat in the bar and drank all the good bourbon.
All that was left for the half-marathoners was Jack Daniel's and the assorted sugary-flavored Jack varietals. AND the 5Kers got the same medal as us! One guy at the bar (who was good and sloshed by the time I got there) told me he and his buddies walked the 5K just for the bourbon.
So anyway, the moral of the story is that I'm just bitter about not getting any Blanton's two years ago. And I'll hold that grudge for as long as I see fit.
Y'all ready for some Nightcaps? Let's go.
If you've spent more than 12 seconds on X/Twitter this week, you know that Donna Kelce — mom of Travis and Jason — is undergoing a home renovation.
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