Everyone loves a good cookout. There’s simply nothing better than firing up the grill and tossing on some smash burgers, juicy steaks, and all-beef hot dogs. Well, for one Florida woman, it appears that a specific type of "sausage" was on the menu.

Let’s start from the beginning: during a Sheriff’s Office BBQ in Vero Beach, Florida, which was open to the public, an inmate named Hartley Sanchez was assigned to the serving line. Now, I know what you’re thinking — it’s not every day you see a criminal serving food. Unless, of course, you check out some of the people working at White Castle. But I digress.

While Sanchez was on the serving line,an arrest reportindicates that he "snuck away from his assigned area, to meet an unknown female, to have sex in a port-a-potty." Wow. Okay, listen, I understand this guy is usually in a prison surrounded by men, which means he’s getting less action than those "White Dudes for Harris" twerps. But can you even IMAGINE attempting to get your freak on in a port-a-potty?!

(Photo by Smith Collection/Gado/Getty Images)

Think about what 95% of port-a-potties are like. We’ve all tailgated football games and had to use one, and they’re easily the most horrifying part of the fan experience. Unless, of course, you’re at a New York Jets game, in which case the scariest thing is still the product on the field.

But that didn’t stop this hero. The arrest report says, "At approximately 1742 hours, Sanchez is observed walking behind a static FWC boat display, near where the port-a-potties were located… Sanchez is then observed entering the same port-a-potty as the female, where he was seen checking if the cost was clear." At this point, things were heating up. And we’re not referring to lighting a match to kill the smell.

Here’s the best part: "Approximately a few moments later, Sanchez and the female are observed exiting the port-a-potty one after the other." Woah, woah, woah… a few moments later? What exactly qualifies as "a few moments"? Are the cops saying that this man is actually aminuteman?! Did he really risk extra criminal charges just to star in the new Nicolas Cage movie, "DONE In Sixty Seconds?!" What an idiot.

He was indeed charged with attempted escape. The bad news is he won’t be with another woman for a very long time. But the good news is that the prison bathrooms are way cleaner.

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