There seem to be two lines of thinking about the loss in utility and value of saying “You’re welcome.” Some think it’s cold and neutral, lacking the energy to motivate a relationship as opposed to saying, “It was my pleasure.” From this view, saying “You’re welcome” comes across as neutral, reflexive, artificial or even cold. Others indicate that an expression of gratitude is an opportunity for its receiver to claim reciprocity or perhaps to build greater energy in the relationship by saying, “Not at all. I know you’d do the same for me.”
A third area of thinking for me arises from our era of social media and texting. I read that the length of typing the expression “You’re welcome” works against its use. Decency at the mercy of keystrokes, it seems! I think differently.
Saying “Thank you” or “You’re welcome” shouldn’t be insincere, except if there is some joke or irony or sarcasm at play. Both expressions create a relation that should denote and connote sincerity, mutual respect and harmony in a moment of gratitude-and-welcomeness.
We devalue welcomeness because our communications by text and email have flattened into robotic regularity. That’s regular, routine, hurry up already and nada, whatever, what have you! What used to evoke the expression of thanks-and-welcomeness is now actually not considered to be an object of gratitude as opposed to “what people do,” to “just saying it” or “it’s what anyone does” without asking. We’ve converted the verbal assignation of welcomeness into nothingness, or many of us seem to think relationships warrant doing so.
I don’t think the best way to view expressions of welcome is as an opportunity to double down on or benefit from the goodwill present in the relationship, whether in response to an expression of gratitude or even to what led to it. I don’t think saying “You’re welcome” is any less authentic than saying “Thank you.” I think a person who creates a context, or those in a relationship who do so, for gratitude and welcomeness shouldn’t try to do anything more than what that moment entails. If there are prior and/or succeeding moments, they, too, one hopes, might involve similar mutual feelings, but they are different moments, not something for the sake of which the current moment exists.
In Korean contexts, I started thinking that I hear a lot more expressions of “Kamsahamnida” and variants than I do “Cheonmanaeyo.” I did some readings that indicated I’m not off base with this related observation. It seems that many Koreans also view “You’re welcome” as old-fashioned. Do you prefer to hear “Anieyo” (“It’s nothing”), “Gwenchanayo” (“It’s OK”) or “Byeolmalssumeulyo” (“Don’t mention it”)?
That’s a loss. People have taken a conversation that shows equality in giving and receiving and turned it into something unworthy of notice or something needing to be extended to have power or potential. That’s a mistake.
We should dwell more on the value of each gratitude-and-welcomeness moment, what that moment extends to and what is substantiated by it. In our busy world, frenetic seeking of power and potential isn’t a gain but a loss of humanity. It’s actually much colder to convert gratitude and moments of welcome into other opportunities.
If what I’m supposed to express welcomeness for doing is anything more than a chance to do what’s expected or to seek reciprocity, human language and behavior is stepping backward. The position of conveying gratitude properly coins with an expression of welcomeness.
Those who don’t need to say “You’re welcome” may place themselves above those who express gratitude. Or perhaps they are demotic in only wanting to use an expression of gratitude as an opportunity to gain something, to have reciprocation. Whatever became of doing good for itself? “You’re welcome” shouldn’t convert to a reactionary or banal idiom. Otherwise, we’re feeding egocentrism and an overfocus on power that is anti-democratic and pretentious. Anti-democratic, pretentious behavior is all the rage in our world, and to the dearth of democracy. We’re not kings, nearly all of us, and most societies have long since converted their kings to figureheads. But have we democratized the monarchical spirit by denying the democratic potential of language in gratitude-with-welcomeness?
Source: Korea Times News
